Andrea, Khalil, Grace, Josephine and Lien
Place your biography here as a comment by Sunday midnight please.
Read the other biographies and comment before Wednesday's class. Thanks!
Friday, September 19, 2008
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A Vietnamese Girl
Lien is one of my classmates in English 12. She has long black hair, smooth pale skin, and a slim moderate stature. “I come from Vietnam and have been here in Vancouver for 7 years,” She told us - the classmates in one group – with a very low but clear voice.
She was born in Ho Chi Mingh city on August 23, 1981. “That city is very small and crowded. Anyway the whole country is even less than BC province,” She smiled to say. She likes to smile, especially when talking to someone else, and she has a really good looking while smiling.
Very soon her family moved to the rural and she lived there for 19 years. She must have deep impression about her rural home, so she described it with affectionateness, “My rural home is beautiful and full of fresh air everythere, not so crowded as the city. One side of my house is paddy field, the other is a big river with trees and bushes along the both edges. You can see many wild animals running around freely to seek foods. People there planted rice, tea, and sugar. They lived very peacefully and were very nice to each other. I used to drop by my neighbor’s house whenever I wanted to, and people often spent their spare time sitting under the shadows of the big palm trees and chatting together.”
Lien had a big family in the rural, and the houses of her uncle, aunt and cousins were surronding her home. Her parents worked hard as farmers on the rice fields.
The tiny and light freckles on her face make her look coy, but actrually she is independent. Her parents divorced when she was only two years old. She lived with her mom at the beginning, then with her grandparents. About 7 years ago, she came to Vanvouver and began living with her dad. Her dad had remarried many years ago, so at that time she had to live with her dad, stepmother, and one stepbrother together.
“ My sister and I have been together all the days since our parents divorced till toady we shared an apartement here, so my sister has a very important influence on me. I'm used to talk to my sister to ask advices although she is only 2 years elder than me. Many people think we looks very like.”
Life is not easy, but Lien is an optimist. “ I like simple life, and I don’t think too much on difficult things. I will go to eat to get released when I am sad,” She smiled again with lovely red on her face .
Now Lien has a part-time work as a nail technicain. “I am a nail experts and doing good at it,” she smiled confidently this time. But Lien’s ideality is to be a hygienist in a dental office or to be a certified nurse. That is why she is studying for a high school diploma here. She hopes, one day, she can step into a college.
Sincerely, wish her a success!
Grace-Xiang Rong Xian
She, Grace, another name in Chinese is Xiang Rong Xian. A name that means-prosperous and carried the best wishes from her parents. She was only two, when she moved with her parents from her birth place Henan Province to the biggest city of China-Beijing. She has no memory left about the first place she lived. She was not much older than a toddler who could not remember things well. Yet her parents were also preoccupied by their situation then. They were forced to be peasants, during the Chinese Cultural Revolution around 1960 to 1970.
Most of Grace’s memory of her childhood started after she moved to Beijing. A city where people, walk shoulders to shoulders, and cars bumpers to bumpers. It is a city that is both historical and modern. There are ancient buildings like the Forbidden City and the newest National Stadium-The Bird’s Nest which just held the 2008 Olympics and Paralympics. She lived in this vigorous city for 30 years until she immigrated to Vancouver in May 2007. In her school years in China, she was passionate and enthusiastic, especially in studies. For her the only image of her parents is them studying and studying. As a reflection of her role models, she has done the same too. She completed her education in the best schools, from elementary school to university. All are the top-ones in China.
Through her strong knowledge background that she gained in university, she started her career as a MIS-Management Information System-engineer in a large and remarkable trading company. Not long after, she was promoted to be the division manager for her hardworking and devotion. It was quite an outstanding accomplishment that she has achieved. She also finished another higher education and received her MBA while she had her full-time job.
But one day Grace made her decision to quite her job. She was tired. She is a person with great diligence. She is not the type of person who loves to manipulate the politics in the office. She was worn out. This drove her away from a position she has earned hard and let her make a resolution to bring her four-year-old daughter with her to a brand new country-Canada. She had to help herself out of this unbearable condition.
“My husband is working in Beijing alone”, as Grace mentioned, I could see her back straightened, a sign of determination. That she and her daughter will manage themselves independently here in Canada, so that her husband can concentrate in developing his business in China. Grace is a devoting mother. Nonetheless, Grace squeezed some time from her busy schedule to have some time and space for her own. She attends school. Now she is a student again. She is one of us, who wants to improve our English ability, to get ready for the new job opportunities in this English speaking country.
Josephine: A sympathetic portrayal of an interesting life. Vivid details and presentation make me really feel I know Grace well. Perhaps the second paragraph can be divided in two. See what you think.
Grace: Good strong details here on Lien's life story. I think one physical description of Lien is enough in the biography. Work on a more attractive opening sentence, too. Maybe start with "She likes to smile . . ."
Andrea’s Biography
By Khalil
Andrea is my classmate for two years in Person Adult Learning Center. She seats in the front desk close to the board and the teacher platform. She is Columbian, grown up there, and has immigrated to Canada.
Columbia, Colombia in Spanish, is a country in the north of South America. It is a Spanish country, so Spanish is Andrea’s first language. Columbia is a mountainous area in the center and has low lands close to Pacific and Atlantic oceans. Therefore, there are different climates with various fruits in her territory. Bogota where Andrea lived is the capital city, and it is located in two thousand six hundred meter higher than the sea, and it is cold. Also it is a crowded city with about by ten million inhabitants, thus it is a noisy city. Although she has come to Canada, Andrea loves beautiful views of her birthplace.
Andrea was born in 1984, May fifth and lived twenty one years in Bogota. When she was a child, her parents separated and divorced, and she lived with her brother, sister, and mother. For this reason, her mother was the most important person in her life, but her father supported them because her mother has not worked. My intelligent classmate is graceful in her high school education; she had been the best student, many times was admired, and got some presents. In that era she loved dancing classes, but she doesn’t have professional in dance. Andrea continued her education and studied Biology in the university for three years. While she was student, she worked in a spider museum part time. In spite of she was student in university for three years she left her education in Bogota thereby coming to Canada.
Andrea came to Canada two and half years ago, and her father who lives in the North America supported her to leave Columbia. When she landed in Vancouver, learning English was her first plan, so she registered her name in PALC. Her first language is Spanish and learned English a little bit in Columbia, but she speaks English very clear that shows Andrea is so smart in learning. Despite the fact that her father supported her to come in Canada, she works and has an independent life. During education in the school in Vancouver she married, and her spouse is Columbian. When I asked, “Do you have any children? “ She smiled and said,” No, it is soon for us.” And she is going to continue her education. Andrea would like to finish the school, and apply to a university to study in diet and become a dietitian. She is very young and active, so I am sure she would reach to her goal and would be good luck.
About Khalil
Khalil was born in Iran on April 1st, 1948. Khalil is sixty, but he has energetic mind anenergetic physical which are due to his background.
Now his family lives in Vancouver. He has two wonderful children, a girl and a boy. They both study at UBC. His daughter will be an architect, and his son will be a chemistry engineer. Khalil and his wife work full time to support their children. He works as a salad maker in a restaurant in Coquitlam, and his wife works in a company.
Khalil came to Canada in 2005 from Mashhad city, a capital of Khorasan province, in the northeast of Iran. Mashhad has three million people. It is in the middle of the valley and is surrounded by blank mountains. In summer it is 40 and -15 degree in winter. Mashhhad is a pilgrimage city because many people come to pray to have a good life or make best wishes from everywhere in Iran. Khalil has two sisters and one brother who still live in Iran.
When he was eight years old, his father passed away, and his grandfathers supported him and his family. At a child, he was a sport boy. He liked hiking, biking, playing football, and volleyball, but he didn’t own any objects. He usually came to his uncle’s shop to borrow his or his customers’ bikes to ride for more than he was allowed about over half hour or one and half hour. He was able to buy his own ball to play when he was in his last year of elementary school.
At eighteen, he finished high school, and at twenty-two, he graduated from Ferdowsi University in biology. Then, he taught in high school more than ten years until Islamic revolution in Iran in 1978. They didn’t give him the teaching schedule, he was lost his job. One year later, government invited him to work for them, but he refused. In this year, he married and left Mashhad city for looking new jobs in Tehran, Iran capital city. His wife knew English, so she could find a job easily in imported and exported company, and he got a job in a genetic library.
A few years later in Tehran, his wife gave him a wonderful son and a daughter who are in UBC. When his little son was two years, and his family had to run back to Mashhad because Iraq attacked Iran and bombarded in Tehran. Back in Mashhad his wife worked in a foreign trading company, and he got representation from some publishers in his province, Khorasan.
About three years in Canada, his family is kind of settled. In his leisure time, he still likes hiking, especially along beautiful mountains in Vancouver. Besides that, he likes studying. He said he would like to study forever, and emphasized studying kept his brain being sharp, and having longevity. He hoped after improving his English and receiving Canadian diploma, he continued his education in university. He is still a patient and hard working guy as usually at his age.
Josephine
The youngest of three children, Su-Ming Chiu, is a Taiwanese born on Oct 28, 1964 in Tainan City, a historical city which still has old brick built castles and temples from at about three hundred years ago. In this city, one of the oldest ones in Taiwan, remain the oldest semi-circular fort, the city wall and the watchtower which were constructed to guard the city.
When she was an infant, she played along the railway beside her house. It was always the “chuga-chuga” and “chu-chu”, as Josephine explained the train’s sounds, which woke her up and sent her to sleep. She was as hazardous as she liked to jump the rail just when the train was approximating. Because Josephine didn’t have sisters, she learned to enjoy her older brothers’ games. Josephine was very attached to her eldest brother because he was the one who often answered promptly her needs.
During her childhood, Josephine liked to please her grandmother and get her attention among her twenty cousins. Josephine always followed her grandmother’s instructions about how to be a good girl. Su-Ming admired her grandmother deeply because although her father and uncles were especially authoritative, all of them had to be still and silent before her grandmother. She was a rich woman who handled the money of the whole family.
After living her first twelve years in her native city, Josephine went around and lived in different cities in Taiwan owing to her parents’ business. Josephine’s parents were entrepreneurs but not successful. They always moved through the country searching for a good business until they went to Taipei, the last place she lived in Taiwan and where the most important things to her happened. The capital and biggest city of Taiwan was very busy and crowed. “The Taipei’s Streets are full of cars and motorcycles; the parking spaces are crucial, even a small space for a motorcycle to park is not easy to find”, Josephine said.
As an adult, although her father never told her what to do, she started to take decisions just like him. “She’s her father’s copy’’, Josephine’s mother says. Josephine studied business and administration in college and this gave her the chance of working in the trading area in Taipei. In her 18 year working experience, Josephine worked in 4 companies mostly managing the purchasing of materials to make bags, ladies handbags, backpacks and luggage.
However, she decided to stop her career and go toward her major accomplishment, her own lovely family. Josephine has a devoting husband, Johnny, who married in 1990, three free spirit children and one energetic dog which make her world whole.
She left her country on June 23, 2003 searching for a peaceful environment and a healthy education for her children. Now, she’s living in Burnaby, Canada with her family and is taking English 12 at The Pearson Adult Learning Centre. Her main purpose is to improve her English in order to understand satisfactory her children’s conversations.
By Andrea Carolina Parra
Josephine: I like it, especially the description about my home city-Beijing. very concise words give out my extracted life. Thanks
Hi Lien, now we know a hardworking and energetic man. The most important is he keeps studying for a university diploma at sixty age. "About three years in Canada,..." in the last paragraph is not very clear. Three years ago or it cost the family three years?
Andrea, ample details draw out a clear picture of Josephin's birth place. Ancient constructions and modern railways exist together. But maybe you can reorganized these details to make the opening more attractive. For exmaple, describe her birthplace first, then comes Josephin, the figure.
Khalil has outlined Andrea's background well in detail and showed the diversities of her and her native country.
Dear Josephine,
Thank you very much about reading my writing, and I except to get more your advices.
Hi Grace,
May be your opinion is right, but I considered it would be a deviated path in a biography
great to see andrea's bio, i know andrea much closer...^^*
Grace: I like Lien biography’s title; it’s very original. Besides, it’s interesting the way you describe Lien’s features and relate them to her personality. However, you should check the quotation in the 7th paragraph; it’s not exposed where the quotation came from. Moreover, when you say that she’s studying for a High School diploma here, I think you should mention the PALC. I hope my comments would help you. See you in class.
Khalil, thanks for my biography; I enjoy reading it. But bear in mind that Colombia’s spelling is the same in Spanish than in English. Bye!
Hi Andrea, I was first struck by those train sounds! I wonder if you could move them up closer to the beginning? Also, I wonder if I need the physical detail of Tainan City (unless, somehow, you can relate it to Josephine. To fill space, try to get a bit more in about Josephine's relationship with her brother. Good, strong draft.
Khalil, The beginning of Andrea's biography contains a bit of filler. I know you are low on the word count (457) so perhaps you can ask Andrea to tell you more about her earlier childhood. Also, second paragraph can be reduced. It looks like you need to go back to the source a bit to complete your writing. The biography is better towards the middle and end.
Brad, thanks for your comments; I'll work on it.
Andrea, thanks for your comments.
I modified my article again according to the comments I had received. Please read it if interested.
A Vietnamese Girl
She likes to smile, especially when talking to someone else, and she has a really good looking while smiling. She has long black hair, smooth pale skin, and a slim moderate stature. That is Lien, one of my classmates in English 12. “I come from Vietnam and have been here in Vancouver for 7 years,” She smiled to begin her story.
Lien was born in Ho Chi Mingh city on August 23, 1981. “That city is very small and crowded. Anyway the whole country is even less than BC province,” She told us with a very low but clear and gentle voice.
Very soon her family moved to the rural and she lived there for 19 years. She must have a deep impression about her rural home, so she described it with affectionateness, “My rural home is beautiful and full of fresh air everywhere, not so crowded as the city. One side of my house is paddy field, the other is a big river with trees and bushes along the both edges. You can see many wild animals running around freely to seek foods. People there planted rice, tea, and sugar. They lived very peacefully and were very nice to each other. I used to drop by my neighbor’s house whenever I wanted to, and people often spent their spare time sitting under the shadows of the big palm trees and chatting together.”
Lien had a big family in the rural, and the houses of her uncle, aunt and cousins were surrounding her home. Her parents worked hard as farmers on the rice field.
Lien looks coy with some tiny and light freckles, but actually she is independent. Her parents divorced when she was only two years old. She lived with her mom at the beginning, then with her grandparents. About 7 years ago, she came to Vancouver and began living with her dad. Her dad had remarried many years ago, so at that time she had to live with her dad, stepmother, and one stepbrother together.
Lien has been living with her sister for many years since their parents divorced till toady they are sharing an apartment here in Vancouver, so her sister has a very important influence on her. “I'm used to talk to my sister to ask advice although she is only 2 years elder than me. Many people think we look alike very much,” Lien said.
Life is not easy, but Lien is an optimist. “I like simple life, and I don’t think too much on difficult things. I will go to eat to get released when I am sad,” She smiled again with lovely red on her face.
Now Lien has a part-time work as a nail technician. “I am a nail experts and doing good at it,” she smiled confidently this time. But Lien’s ideality is to be a hygienist in a dental office or to be a certified nurse. That is why she is now studying in the Pearson Adult Learning Centre for a high school diploma. She hopes, one day, she can step into a college.
Sincerely, wish her a success!
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