Phoebe, Esther,Francis, Spencer and Teresa
Place your biography here as a comment by Sunday midnight please.
Read the other biographies and comment before Wednesday's class. Thanks!
Friday, September 19, 2008
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17 comments:
Esther: Really lovely details, especially in the second paragraph. I'm still not certain that I like the first person approach, however. Personally, I'd drop the whole first paragraph as it just makes me wait for the lovely second.
About Esther
Her last name is Park, easy to remember, isn’t it? She was born in Seoul in 1982. Seoul is the capital of Korea, bigger, more modern, and more crowded than the other cities in this country. The place she had grown up gives a deep impression to her. There was a traditional market 10 blocks away from her home. It was an amazing place she loved to go shopping with her mom when she was still a child. The vendors there always admired her sweet and lovely smile and she always got some candies or cookies or something else free. “The people there were so friendly to me.” she says.
In her family, she was treated like a princess. At her sixth birthday, mother prepared a bountiful lunch and the gift from her was a pink silk dress; father bought her a western style doll; it has a blonde shiny long hair with a lace-trimmed dress. When her father gave it to her, he said, “Wish you be happy and healthy forever, like the princess.”
Esther is the member receiving the most love in the family. Although she is temperamental and vulnerable, her parents are always there to support her. Especially her mom, for Esther, mother is also a friend and a teacher. When she was down, her mother encouraged her; when she was happy, her mother cheered, too.
Then, at her thirteen years old, her family immigrated to Canada. They landed in North Vancouver, and then moved to Burnaby, and now live in New Westminster. Looking back her past thirteen years, it is full of happiness and regret. She says she is lucky to have a wealthy family, so that she has never worried about money. For studying, she was not interested in it in high school which is her biggest regret so far.”While I was studying at home, I didn’t concentrate on my homework. I like to turn on the radio, walking around in the house, chatting with mother, eating something. I didn’t do my homework well.” Since she was grade 10, her teacher always said it to her, “Put your effort on your homework.” She disliked studying, so she just finished high school in North Vancouver with Communication 12. She hasn’t get English 12 credit yet.
Although that, she is also proud of herself about finishing ASL (American Sign Language) successfully in Vancouver Community College. This is her accomplishment. The credit lets her have chances to service the more difficult people in the community. She likes to help them. That makes her happy. On the other hand, she doesn’t want to marry. “I think keeping a happy marriage needs something more complicated that I don’t know. I would rather live alone. It’s easier for me since I am naïve. “ she says. About the future, she has a dream, but she is not ready to share it.
--485words
Teresa, You've really taken the podcast advice to heart! You have successfully shown Esther to we readers. Consider breaking two of your longer paragraphs into two parts. I believe, also, you could reduce by 20 to 30 words here and there.
this is my revised second draft, i hope this can't affect my marks...^^*
(Second draft.)
Student’s Name: Esther Park.
Date: September 19th/2008.
Instructor’s Name: Brad Hyde.
Title: Teresa’s Biography.
Teresa’s Life story
Teresa was born in a small town in Taiwan, called Taoyuan. She remembers there were lots of spots surrounding the community where she lived. Numbers of acres of rice farms were behind the community and a clear creek was slithering through the farms. In front of my house, there was a big playground also behind. It was a private garden planted various flowers and sweet fruit trees. When she was in elementary school, she used to ride bicycle chasing the sunset, fishing at the creek in summertime become a life-lasting memories in the community is still in her memory.
When she was a child, her grandparents were the most
influenced people. They took care of me since she was born. They loved her so much because she remember one day when she was in grade five, she asked my grandfather to do art homework that used chopsticks to build a tower for her and he did it very delicately which made her get grade A. Even though she shouldn’t have asked her grandfather to do the things that he didn’t want to, my grandfather smiled at her. She still feels sorry even till now, and her grandmother used to wait for her in front of the house to pick her up when she come home late.
She left the memorable community when she went to university which was about two and a half trip from her home to there by car. She didn’t feel homesick at all because I went home every week. She studied at was located in the center of Taiwan, called Taichung. Also, she got my broadcasting degree in broadcasting at another university. When she was twenty-one years old, she met my husband. He was my schoolmate, and became her sweetheart, but she broke up with him. After eight years later they met, and never broke up again.
Throughout studying, she got more knowledge and better skills in her specific field. After she graduated from the university, she used to work at broadcasting in Taiwan, which was a cheerful job. She really enjoyed it, and thinks studies did help her to handle the job better.
She immigrated to Canada in August, 2005 with her husband, and her son. Since she came to Canada, she has been learning English. She is now a housewife. She now has to take care of a ten-year-old son and a husband. Her major accomplishment is she does her best to make her families happy and keep them healthy.
She wishes the friendly and lovely relationship in her family will someday help her son to build a positive attitude and strong mind which may someday help him to solve problems in his later life.
Behind that she wants to improve my English, so that she can live here more relaxed and comfortable. And then, if her English is good enough to be able to communicate fluently, she may have more chances to find flexible, and a job that she likes. She can finally regain the financial independent life.
Words: 526.
Phoebe Ou: Biography
The life of Phoebe Ou has developed in many places of the world. Phoebe Ou was born on June 18, 1972. Phoebe grew up speaking Mandarin, even though she was born and raised in Taipei, Taiwan. Phoebe lived in a small rural town, but attended a highly prestigious school inside of the city. Her parents both grew up in China and moved to Taiwan. Phoebe explained that “Even though [she] was born in Taiwan, [she] still [felt] like a stranger.” Phoebe learned to speak Taiwanese throughout the duration of her schooling. She had to wake up at five in the morning every day and commute for three hours to school. Her parents had high expectations, but her time spent at school was very uncomfortable. People from the city and those from rural communities had very different lifestyles. People from the city generally had lots of money in the family, where as money was harder to come by for families in rural areas.
Another obstacle Phoebe was forced to overcome was the language barrier in Taiwan. After Phoebe completed elementary school, determined, she put her foot down and demanded for educational freedom. Growing up, Phoebe felt very motivated, independent and kept to herself most of the time. Although Phoebe’s upbringing was very strict, and education was very important to the family, her demands were met. Phoebe began a female’s only high school in Taipei, where everything was much more relaxed. Ironically, the time she spent in the city left her feeling unusual in comparison to some who accompanied her at the new school. Phoebe was still eager about her new school, and enjoyed being with her friends! After high-school, Phoebe majored in Journalism at University.
In 1999, Phoebe married her husband. Her husband’s occupation required them to move around frequently. In 2000, they moved from Taiwan to Macedonia and after a brief stay they moved back to Taiwan in 2001. At this point, Phoebe worked for the “United Daily News”. After this, Phoebe was a senior editor for the “Apple Daily” newspaper. In 2004, Phoebe left Taiwan for the second time and settled into Romania. In 2005, Phoebe finally moved to Canada, where they currently reside. When they first arrived, Phoebe utilized her work experience and obtained a job as an editor for a Chinese newspaper called “World Journal”.
Phoebe and her husband have two children together, one boy, eight years old, and one girl, four years old. Phoebe admires books and loves to read in her spare time, although most of her time is now full heartedly dedicated to raising her children. She understands her children and what growing up is like. Phoebe is currently enrolled in English 12 at Pearson Adult Learning Centre. She is taking the course to improve her English. Doors remain open for the future, there are many options to choose from and Phoebe is waiting until one feels right. Phoebe Ou’s major accomplishment in life is having a loving, affectionate, happy family. Being with her family leaves her with a euphoric feeling, which stems only from love.
By: Spencer Moe
A biography of Francisco Gonzalez
Francisco Gonzalez was born September 27, 1985, in Iloilo city, the Philippines. The birth place did not leave him any memories, for soon he moved to Manila, the capital of the Philippines. Manila only has sunny or rainy days, so he had no idea about fall and winter. Though the weather was perfect, the political environment was not. The images of soldiers carrying rifles on the streets, and the sound of gun shots exploding a clear night embedded in his mind. However, he gained comfort from his family.
Francisco is the fifth child of six. They were all close to their mother, because their father chose to work alone in Vancouver since he was little. His father’s absence did not depress him. He got enough attention from his mother, and support from siblings. The strong coherence in his family made him positive and focused on his study. He graduated from elementary school with honors. Then he continued his education and graduated from high school before he moved to Canada.
In 2002 December, he and his siblings immigrated to British Columbia, and got a reunion with their father. Since then, he experienced different life. He still remembered well the “extremely cold” hit him when he walked out of the Vancouver airport. He started to sense four seasons and to enjoy the peace of night. The relationship between father and son also needed to be rebuilt. All changes were welcome, except the absence of his mother.
For a family separated in two countries more than 10 years, a happy reunion of whole family was absolutely a wish to be. Last year should be the year that dreams came true. Unfortunately, while his mother arrived, his father had passed away. The lost was sorrowful, yet it did not trouble him for long. When the life pattern went back to the same as in Manila, Francisco found a way to help him out. “I feel my father is working somewhere and he would come to visit us soon. Just like what he did before.”
Due to the different education system, Francisco was back to high school in Burnaby after his landing. Without much struggle, he graduated from Burnaby South Secondary School in 2005. Soon he found a job in McDonald’s and was then advanced to be a manager. He still works in McDonald’s so far. He takes the late night shift usually, and copes with drunken people. With three years experience, he is proficient in restaurant management. Now he has more spare time to think about his future and ready for new challenges.
Taking nursing courses in Douglas College would be his next step. To qualify himself for the further education, Francisco decides to have English 12 at Pearson Adult Learning Centre. This is his solution for getting good money. He pushes himself being practical though, he knows himself good in art and design. He believes that earning is one thing; enjoying is another. He looks forward his future, and decides that money saving is his first goal. (504 words)
By Phoebe Ou
mr. brad i made a mistake.. i need to fix somthing so i repost my work.. i juz dont noe how im gonna erase the first one though...
Spenser Moe's biography
September 19, 1989, Spencer Mo was born in Vancouver, Canada. He is the third child of Nancy and John Moe. He lived in simple way, or to be more apt humbly in the same house he grew up in. He is however, a product of a failed marriage ending in divorce, concurrently lives with his mother, and subsequently estranged with his father. He resides in Burnaby at present and seems quite happy about the place. His native country is a multicultural nation and people travel from different places to see Vancouver’s natural beauty. He himself is justly amazed of its scenery as mountains and waters bound it.
Spencer went to Armstrong elementary school and graduated in 2000. He attended his high school at Cariboo Hill secondary school. He did not finish high school because he hated the atmosphere and he was stubborn. A poor reason, but it was his choice at that time. Waking up in the morning has been a problem as he frequently missed his morning class. That is the reason why he currently taking up English at Pearson Adult learning centre. He is still undecided of what to be in the near future or what to do with his life but he has post secondary plans and his using the time to decide until his course ends to figure out what he really wants to do.
Spencer played soccer for 9 years and lacrosse for 5 years. He went to provincials for lacrosse and he won a bronze medal. He got upset for his team was the crowd favorite and preferred to win, but they did not. He was the captain of his soccer team for four consecutive years. He ran across the country and won some tournaments, he hated it but he did very well, won his division once, and came in third twice. He also plays billiards and poker; he is good I must say. Spencer also skates, but recently got him into accident where he messed his uncle up due to lack of focus and concentration. He is suffering torn ligaments in his ankle. Nevertheless, he wants to skate and play sports. Spencer loves to cook as well. He learned to cook by himself because when he was young, his parents barely cook and he hated heating up food in the microwave so he decided to experiment and cook his own meal. He also bakes and cheesecake is his main course. He learned baking as he watches cooking shows.
He started to work when he was 11 years old. He delivered newspapers, Burnaby Now, and got 30 bucks monthly. At the age of 15, he worked at Amorosa Pasta house then after three years, at the age of 18, he begun to work at a fine restaurant in Granville, Stone Grill. He is still working there but due to the said accident, he stopped for a while and planning to go back when he is healed. He work there as a busser. He used to work13 days in a row, and he got only one day off, but when he come back, he is planning not work as much as before.
The most memorable thing in his early days was having a dog that he treated as his best friend. Duffy, a golden retriever, grew up with him but passed away two and a half years ago. In his childhood years, he believed that his mom was his greatest influence. Precisely because his mom was the one who always there for him, who took care of him, kept him on the right track and educated him towards good decisions in life. Even now, he admires his mom for supporting him all the way throughout the years.
The most important decision he has ever made is to try to get back into school because he said, “without my education, many options are closed”.
vivid description, u guys...i hope to get to know u more~~^^*
Esther: Teresa's life story is interesting, but I wonder if you and Teresa had known each other before. While I'm reading I'm confused because sometimes I see "she, I and my" in the story. I think you missed quotes or directed speaks in it.
Phoebe:There are many stories in Francisco’s life. It’s hard to arrange it; however, you organize them well. Each paragraph has a single topic, so that the reader learns clearly of Francisco’s family, education, job, and his goal. You did it successfully to let the readers sense Francisco is a positive and hard-working young man.
You also use sensory details in the first paragraph:” The images of soldiers carrying rifles on the streets, and the sound of gun shots exploding a clear night embedded in his mind. “It gives a vivid image to the readers.
I was also touched by this: “He still remembered well the “extremely cold” hit him when he walked out of the Vancouver Airport. “ The weather gave Francisco the significant impression, so it did to me. It is an unforgettable memory.
hello,lien... the original teresa's bio is in the first person approach.... but after brad's analysis, i soon changed my first person to third person, iguess i didn't change it very well... sorry, it won't happen again...^^*
teresa, thank u for publishing my bio... it's great to see my bio, it was great to be working with u~~^^*
Teresa,
I like the way you reveal Esther’s traits in the first two paragraphs. By using the words of Esther’s father, the images of a princess and Esther easily link together.
In the fourth paragraph, you mention about two issues. One is her family background; the other is the studying difficulty. I can guess why you write this way, but the connection between these two issues is not clear.
You portray a character to the life, by collecting dialogues from the people around her and giving details of her environment. That is what I have to try harder.
I’ve read your first draft and seems like u changed the whole thing..but anyways… good job on your writing but I’m just worried about how you use pronouns because from your first to third paragraph, you used “me” and “my”, that I think supposed to be pronoun “her “. Or maybe it’s a quote but you just forgot to use quotation marks. Nevertheless, great work!
thanks phobe and spencer!it's a pleasure to work with you guys
Spencer, I do get that strong feeling of being different from your presentation of Phoebe and think it's appropriate based on the information you present. I'd try splitting some of the paragraphs and also taking a careful look at a few awkward spots in your sentences. A fine second draft!
Hi Francis: Lots of detail here on Spencer; in fact, too much as you are at 657 words, more than 100 over the upper limit. Try to limit yourself to things that bring out Spencer's character and omit things (such as where he graduated elementary school) that are not so revealing. You have a strong start!
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