Brad's First Half Draft: Examples
I've decided to save my full draft for class on Wednesday. Instead, I will provide a series of examples, including Friday's anecdote to help you with your writing.
Good luck on your drafts, but please do not post them here. Bring them, word processed and ready for discussion on Wednesday.
3 comments:
Today's Class Anecdote:
On the night before I left on my cross Canada bike tour, I had a problem—my heavy gear was making my rear rack interfere with my brakes. My dad suggested that I see my Uncle Gav since he was handy with tools (and lived only a block away, thankfully).
So I called him up and he answered as he often did when anyone asked him a question: “I guess so.”
Off I went with my bike and arrived at his basement. He had an old maple table there covered with a bunch of miscellaneous junk. But from this junk came just what we needed.
“What’s the problem?” he asked me.
“The rack is sliding down the rear stays and then my brakes won’t work.”
He rubbed his chin and proceeded to search around his shop for a piece of sheet metal. Once he had found one, he cut it with tin snips and then drilled three holes to match my brake bolt and the two rack attachments.
“That should work,” he said. I don’t remember if he wished me bon voyage or not, but the metal plate held all the way to Halifax.
194 words
*Note that by using anecdote, I can provide 25% of the content for a narrative essay. Two anecdotes plus some description and other writing could easily provide a full picture of a person's influence.
The full half draft will come later!
Example of a Physical Object (using setting to illustrate character):
My uncle had a remarkable toaster. It was old, from the 1930s, but was of a modern design—two slots, Bakelite handle, chrome housing. The handle broke off in the 1970s but that didn't mean my uncle was ready to throw it away.
It was the best toaster I have ever used. The toast came out evenly browned from edge to edge. I loved it even though we had to push down on a metal tab with a block of wood instead of using a handle; Uncle Gav didn't mind and, besides, why give up on a perfectly good toaster?
When he passed away in 2010 I looked for that toaster among his worldly goods, but it was gone. It stands for a lot: my uncle’s frugal nature; the way things have not always gotten better; the idea that something would be made to last a lifetime.
—147 words
NOTE: Try to find an item that illustrates a key part of your subject’s character. In this case, a common kitchen item demonstrates my uncle’s basic values in life. In the full version I will connect this example to themes I am considering: how I learned certain values that run contrary to the heavily consumerist society we live in today and how that has saved me dollars, made me more self-reliant and so on. As you can see this content would “fill” about 15% of your essay. The remarks that I would use to tie the example to my theme would take the total to 20%, certainly worth your time to think of a good example for your own essays. Good luck!
My opening:
In the fading light of late afternoon I bashed my way through the moguls on the Olympic Run at Whistler Mountain, barely able to stay upright as I fought through the mushy lower-elevation snow.
My Uncle Gav had waited at the top a little, knowing full well that he had plenty of time. As I panted at the bottom of the pitch, he skied past, cruising along the edge of the run to avoid the moguls (which weren't his thing). He was on Fischer C4 Competition skis that day, a full 215 centimetres long, and made it look easy—his turns crisp and controlled on the narrow place where few skiers dare to go.
—114 words
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